Hours of tossing and turning, sweating and agonizing-as what i am sure is an asphalt demolition crew that works small shifts, coinciding with each time i swallow- has led me to this moment. The moment where I am babbling to the gods of health in a bathroom, in Paris. Wondering, asking, chatting, making offers. Prayer. I consider myself religious in my own personal, internal way. Today, i voiced my values, to one specific party. The spirits of human health, and now, I am awaiting their response. I wonder if they have a facebook page.
I woke, at 4am, after drug-induced sleep took me at 1am. I woke because of the aforementioned demo crew, and a firey wave of body heat I would have longed for in the cold desert nights. I awoke thinking this: I am going to lose my sight in Morocco. Paris, had been an idea of speaking french, eating french, drinking french and taking photos. Unable to swallow effectively (are my taxes paying that crew?) much has changed. Morocco I want to chat with my friend, and use my eyes, to take many photos and soak in the sights of another land. So, I figure my sight will soon go. Note, I being dramatic, and am very aware of that fact.
One thing does not change, even as i get better (amen, praise allah i am getting better!) that i am so thankful. Wherever I go, I am met with kindness, compassion, love and understanding. Perhaps that is the meaning in it all. This exchange. This beautiful awareness of the compassion of mankind. Gaza, bloodied and being torn apart is in my thoughts. And I am channeling this human compassion, away from my whiny sick butt, to those that need it more. We all need to be reminded of the good in humankind, despite the obvious anger. Perhaps it is a lack of sleep that brings my thoughts round and round again to those too-familiar middle east bombing scenes, perhaps I just dont know what I can do, but Ive found that there is much good, and I will do my best to act within and using that good, strengthed by all those who have helped me, in sickness and in health.
Yes, I guess, until death do us part.
I need more drugs. And yogurt.
I started this New Year (2009!) feeling a bit ill myself :\ i think it must have been food poisoning (maybe from that bottle of wine? ;) it made me grateful though, and much more in touch with my concern for your current sick-tuation!
ReplyDeleteI am amused and amazed that even in sickness.. and the shadows of war, your words provoke a thoughtful reminder that all people have the same basic needs in life..
kindness & companionship, food, air, water, shelter (oh deer!) and of course health!
I sincerely hope (from the bottom of my stomach:P that you feel 110% better soon and enjoy the many sights, smells and tastes that your journeys have to offer you!!