Thursday, September 24, 2009
Be Aware
I was walking across the field yesterday when I noticed a clothespin. I picked it up and read the fading blue writing: Be Aware.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Reasons
Do all things happen for a reason?
Are we meant to try to figure out the reasons? Or just live in the questioning? Or not question? Or just live?
Be thankful?
Yeah.
Be thankful.
To be alive. Regardless of money, of broken cars, and screwed up schedules, business, unfufillment... whatever ails you. Being alive. With others that are alive. These things are good.
Are we meant to try to figure out the reasons? Or just live in the questioning? Or not question? Or just live?
Be thankful?
Yeah.
Be thankful.
To be alive. Regardless of money, of broken cars, and screwed up schedules, business, unfufillment... whatever ails you. Being alive. With others that are alive. These things are good.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Day Four Give Me More
Well, I missed the day three band wagon, of blogging that is.
Day Four.
Wow. Four days. Or really, three, and a morning.
And yet, while I've decided that today is my last day, I really do believe I could go longer. It's a battle I'm having right now, but one whose outcome is already decided. I know I will eat tomorrow, and maybe it's best, but this cleansing thing is awesome. In some ways. In other ways, like, my energy, it's not as great.
Today though, food does not seem palatable. I don't really want to eat anything. I can't think of anything that I feel would be as good as I imagine it should be. I don't really want any of it anymore. I'm not sure what I really want. Not just food wise, but in life. I feel pretty empty when I wake up, but in a good way. Like a solid person, who is just waking up. Basic. I didn't have any emotions (except my eye really hurts, no styes, please!), I just woke up and felt tired, but thought of nothing.
Maybe too much cleansing will cleanse the personality right out of me. Haha. Probably not, but its probably good for everyone around me, and myself, to be experiencing a slower, mellower version of myself.
Well, I'm off to make my 'tea.' Which, yesterday, I went without for about 3 or 4 hours, and was seriously famished. So, without the maple/lemon/cayenne, I don't think I could do this. However, I also don't think I'm going to try to test that theory. For now, this is great, its helping me set myself on the path. Clearing the path of some brush, and kicking me in the right direction.
Day Four.
Wow. Four days. Or really, three, and a morning.
And yet, while I've decided that today is my last day, I really do believe I could go longer. It's a battle I'm having right now, but one whose outcome is already decided. I know I will eat tomorrow, and maybe it's best, but this cleansing thing is awesome. In some ways. In other ways, like, my energy, it's not as great.
Today though, food does not seem palatable. I don't really want to eat anything. I can't think of anything that I feel would be as good as I imagine it should be. I don't really want any of it anymore. I'm not sure what I really want. Not just food wise, but in life. I feel pretty empty when I wake up, but in a good way. Like a solid person, who is just waking up. Basic. I didn't have any emotions (except my eye really hurts, no styes, please!), I just woke up and felt tired, but thought of nothing.
Maybe too much cleansing will cleanse the personality right out of me. Haha. Probably not, but its probably good for everyone around me, and myself, to be experiencing a slower, mellower version of myself.
Well, I'm off to make my 'tea.' Which, yesterday, I went without for about 3 or 4 hours, and was seriously famished. So, without the maple/lemon/cayenne, I don't think I could do this. However, I also don't think I'm going to try to test that theory. For now, this is great, its helping me set myself on the path. Clearing the path of some brush, and kicking me in the right direction.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Master: Day Two
Again, I have a whole morning to write and I leave it to three minutes before work. Good thing work is about 15 steps away from this computer.
Day Two. I feel fine. I feel good actually. I wouldn't say great, by any means, but good for sure. The salt water expulsion worked well this morning, almost too well. I'm impressed, as they said I would be, by what comes out of me when I haven't been eating. If I can make it to tomorrow, I'll be even more impressed. I really do think I can make it too, hunger hasn't been a real issue... it's more mental. I mean, I'm a big kid, no I'm a large adult... either way, there's a surplus of me, and, while I don't gorge on a daily basis, I do have food rituals, that I miss. I call them meals.
It's been fun to think about how things taste, but not need them really. Want them, sure, but not to the point where it's all I think about. 27 hours it's been. But, sleep has been in there, and, I've not had to do a lot. We'll see how the rest of today goes.
So far, The Master Cleanse gets two big thumbs up. So does Jessica's natural maple syrup. Mmm.
5:50pm: 36 hours in. Well. I'm hungry. I feel it in everything that I do. I mean two days without food is not that bad, and I haven't had to do too much either, so, even easier. In absence of reality of food, I have found that my writer-like-tendencies have kicked in FULL force. This is the narrative in my head (at times, not always...that'd be nuts...mmmm cashews):
Everything Bagel, toasted with cream cheese, fresh garden tomato and fresh bright green basil
Green Green Green salads. Fresh. Bursting with goat cheese, walnuts, raisins, or carrots, ginger, cooked tofu goooooooodness.
Lasagna. I don't even really love lasagna. But it was mentioned at soem point today, and so, it's in my head. Filled with veggies. Ooozes cheese, spinach, eat meeee.
Crisp tortilla chips (saw a bag today), with fresh salsa. Chunks of onion.
Ginger cookies. Soft. Chewy. Ginger cookies. I'd eat the gingerbread man's head off... and feel no guilt.
Squash bisque with hearty, crusty, delightful... watering mouth...... fresh baked bread.
Asparagus and goat cheese on a crusty bread....
Granola. Yogurt. Mmm.
Thai food. Coconut and curries and lovely lovelies.
Pie with ice cream. Warm pie with ice cream. Warm pie with cold ice cream. There we go. Oh, and whipped cream.
For some reason, in all these foods, all I keep coming back to is the basics. Like, while I know a cookie would be tasty, all I really really want is some good bread, good cheese, good veggies. I know bread and cheese are terrible for you, but in the scheme of foods I could want (donuts, chips, chocolate), I don't think its that bad. My body and mind seem to recoil at the idea of eating a donut, but I salavate as I think of grilled mushrooms. Did I mention a bagel, everything, in particular, BURSTING with tomatos? Did I mention that. Actually I don't think BURSTING was on there.
More and more, I feel a different kind of fatigue. I feel things in my body leaching out, but staying....lingering. I feel comatose at times, and filled with energy other times. Sparked and then dim, really dim. Angry and sad, and then fine fine fine. Then happy as I could be. It's a rollercoaster, really, only stable thing is maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne and water.... and me, i'm an element in the whole picture, unstable, but stable in my stance. And it feels good, just to be doing something difficult for myself. Feels pretty solid.
So, I'm off. To read for an hour, before I work again. It's great to have this work distraction...perfect amounts, not a lot of energy, just enough. Where I can ponder recipe concoctions, and dream... really, I think I can smell the onions cooking!... and then be snapped mostly back into reality.
Yup. This is good. Doing things for yourself is good.
Day Two. I feel fine. I feel good actually. I wouldn't say great, by any means, but good for sure. The salt water expulsion worked well this morning, almost too well. I'm impressed, as they said I would be, by what comes out of me when I haven't been eating. If I can make it to tomorrow, I'll be even more impressed. I really do think I can make it too, hunger hasn't been a real issue... it's more mental. I mean, I'm a big kid, no I'm a large adult... either way, there's a surplus of me, and, while I don't gorge on a daily basis, I do have food rituals, that I miss. I call them meals.
It's been fun to think about how things taste, but not need them really. Want them, sure, but not to the point where it's all I think about. 27 hours it's been. But, sleep has been in there, and, I've not had to do a lot. We'll see how the rest of today goes.
So far, The Master Cleanse gets two big thumbs up. So does Jessica's natural maple syrup. Mmm.
5:50pm: 36 hours in. Well. I'm hungry. I feel it in everything that I do. I mean two days without food is not that bad, and I haven't had to do too much either, so, even easier. In absence of reality of food, I have found that my writer-like-tendencies have kicked in FULL force. This is the narrative in my head (at times, not always...that'd be nuts...mmmm cashews):
Everything Bagel, toasted with cream cheese, fresh garden tomato and fresh bright green basil
Green Green Green salads. Fresh. Bursting with goat cheese, walnuts, raisins, or carrots, ginger, cooked tofu goooooooodness.
Lasagna. I don't even really love lasagna. But it was mentioned at soem point today, and so, it's in my head. Filled with veggies. Ooozes cheese, spinach, eat meeee.
Crisp tortilla chips (saw a bag today), with fresh salsa. Chunks of onion.
Ginger cookies. Soft. Chewy. Ginger cookies. I'd eat the gingerbread man's head off... and feel no guilt.
Squash bisque with hearty, crusty, delightful... watering mouth...... fresh baked bread.
Asparagus and goat cheese on a crusty bread....
Granola. Yogurt. Mmm.
Thai food. Coconut and curries and lovely lovelies.
Pie with ice cream. Warm pie with ice cream. Warm pie with cold ice cream. There we go. Oh, and whipped cream.
For some reason, in all these foods, all I keep coming back to is the basics. Like, while I know a cookie would be tasty, all I really really want is some good bread, good cheese, good veggies. I know bread and cheese are terrible for you, but in the scheme of foods I could want (donuts, chips, chocolate), I don't think its that bad. My body and mind seem to recoil at the idea of eating a donut, but I salavate as I think of grilled mushrooms. Did I mention a bagel, everything, in particular, BURSTING with tomatos? Did I mention that. Actually I don't think BURSTING was on there.
More and more, I feel a different kind of fatigue. I feel things in my body leaching out, but staying....lingering. I feel comatose at times, and filled with energy other times. Sparked and then dim, really dim. Angry and sad, and then fine fine fine. Then happy as I could be. It's a rollercoaster, really, only stable thing is maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne and water.... and me, i'm an element in the whole picture, unstable, but stable in my stance. And it feels good, just to be doing something difficult for myself. Feels pretty solid.
So, I'm off. To read for an hour, before I work again. It's great to have this work distraction...perfect amounts, not a lot of energy, just enough. Where I can ponder recipe concoctions, and dream... really, I think I can smell the onions cooking!... and then be snapped mostly back into reality.
Yup. This is good. Doing things for yourself is good.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Master Cleanse: DAY ONE
The idea of a cleanse makes so much sense. Spring cleaning for your insides. I think, when hunger pains strike, thats the only time it won't make sense.
4 hours in:
Let's be honest, it's only 4 hours. It feels like I forgot to eat breakfast. All I've done all day is type, so, really, are my fingers famished and weak? Nah. Still, it's exciting to not have given in. Which seems silly, but for me and food, we have a pretty needy relationship.
First real world test, I'm off to town to get a book from the library, and maybe do a bit of study in a coffee shop, is that a good idea? Hmmm... we'll see!! I miss coffee, but not as terribly as I thought I would. Coffee was the first to go, 11 days ago. WOW! I think I can do 15 days. Really, I think I could go forever, but, thats not what I want. I miss my morning coffee tradition. I like to sip and type, or sip and read or sip and crumble something sweet. Anyways, thats enough birdwalking on the topic of coffee (although, isn't a blog a giant birdwalk?).
I'll check back in, in a few hours. Really, I think 9pm tonight is going to be the hardest. And, when I have to go to work tomorrow, that also I can foresee as being tricky! Oh well, bring on the trickiness, I've got tricks!!
4 hours in:
Let's be honest, it's only 4 hours. It feels like I forgot to eat breakfast. All I've done all day is type, so, really, are my fingers famished and weak? Nah. Still, it's exciting to not have given in. Which seems silly, but for me and food, we have a pretty needy relationship.
First real world test, I'm off to town to get a book from the library, and maybe do a bit of study in a coffee shop, is that a good idea? Hmmm... we'll see!! I miss coffee, but not as terribly as I thought I would. Coffee was the first to go, 11 days ago. WOW! I think I can do 15 days. Really, I think I could go forever, but, thats not what I want. I miss my morning coffee tradition. I like to sip and type, or sip and read or sip and crumble something sweet. Anyways, thats enough birdwalking on the topic of coffee (although, isn't a blog a giant birdwalk?).
I'll check back in, in a few hours. Really, I think 9pm tonight is going to be the hardest. And, when I have to go to work tomorrow, that also I can foresee as being tricky! Oh well, bring on the trickiness, I've got tricks!!
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