Master: Day Two

Again, I have a whole morning to write and I leave it to three minutes before work. Good thing work is about 15 steps away from this computer.

Day Two. I feel fine. I feel good actually. I wouldn't say great, by any means, but good for sure. The salt water expulsion worked well this morning, almost too well. I'm impressed, as they said I would be, by what comes out of me when I haven't been eating. If I can make it to tomorrow, I'll be even more impressed. I really do think I can make it too, hunger hasn't been a real issue... it's more mental. I mean, I'm a big kid, no I'm a large adult... either way, there's a surplus of me, and, while I don't gorge on a daily basis, I do have food rituals, that I miss. I call them meals.

It's been fun to think about how things taste, but not need them really. Want them, sure, but not to the point where it's all I think about. 27 hours it's been. But, sleep has been in there, and, I've not had to do a lot. We'll see how the rest of today goes.

So far, The Master Cleanse gets two big thumbs up. So does Jessica's natural maple syrup. Mmm.

5:50pm: 36 hours in. Well. I'm hungry. I feel it in everything that I do. I mean two days without food is not that bad, and I haven't had to do too much either, so, even easier. In absence of reality of food, I have found that my writer-like-tendencies have kicked in FULL force. This is the narrative in my head (at times, not always...that'd be nuts...mmmm cashews):

Everything Bagel, toasted with cream cheese, fresh garden tomato and fresh bright green basil

Green Green Green salads. Fresh. Bursting with goat cheese, walnuts, raisins, or carrots, ginger, cooked tofu goooooooodness.

Lasagna. I don't even really love lasagna. But it was mentioned at soem point today, and so, it's in my head. Filled with veggies. Ooozes cheese, spinach, eat meeee.

Crisp tortilla chips (saw a bag today), with fresh salsa. Chunks of onion.

Ginger cookies. Soft. Chewy. Ginger cookies. I'd eat the gingerbread man's head off... and feel no guilt.

Squash bisque with hearty, crusty, delightful... watering mouth...... fresh baked bread.

Asparagus and goat cheese on a crusty bread....

Granola. Yogurt. Mmm.

Thai food. Coconut and curries and lovely lovelies.

Pie with ice cream. Warm pie with ice cream. Warm pie with cold ice cream. There we go. Oh, and whipped cream.

For some reason, in all these foods, all I keep coming back to is the basics. Like, while I know a cookie would be tasty, all I really really want is some good bread, good cheese, good veggies. I know bread and cheese are terrible for you, but in the scheme of foods I could want (donuts, chips, chocolate), I don't think its that bad. My body and mind seem to recoil at the idea of eating a donut, but I salavate as I think of grilled mushrooms. Did I mention a bagel, everything, in particular, BURSTING with tomatos? Did I mention that. Actually I don't think BURSTING was on there.

More and more, I feel a different kind of fatigue. I feel things in my body leaching out, but staying....lingering. I feel comatose at times, and filled with energy other times. Sparked and then dim, really dim. Angry and sad, and then fine fine fine. Then happy as I could be. It's a rollercoaster, really, only stable thing is maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne and water.... and me, i'm an element in the whole picture, unstable, but stable in my stance. And it feels good, just to be doing something difficult for myself. Feels pretty solid.

So, I'm off. To read for an hour, before I work again. It's great to have this work distraction...perfect amounts, not a lot of energy, just enough. Where I can ponder recipe concoctions, and dream... really, I think I can smell the onions cooking!... and then be snapped mostly back into reality.

Yup. This is good. Doing things for yourself is good.