The Ordinary Meh

Meh. That's 50% of emotion right now. A part of me is ready to leap and run and go go go onto New York, back to the woods of south western New York, the sugar maples, beech trees, wide braken ferns, dappled sunlight, loud summer thunder storms. A part of me is just feeling pretty meh. Meh..... Not meh about New York, just meh about my life. I know it's just a passing meh, but this time, I'm looking at it, and letting it fill me. I'm letting it settle in certain parts of my body. Certain, very fleshy parts, are really feeling very meh.

Never want this blog to turn into a body-bitch-blab-and-boo hoo... but I must say a few things... every now and then. Met a woman who was a size 8, then size 22, and now resides at a 14, sometimes 12, occasional (if i really try) 10. Hm. I'm a realist in some ways, others, a total dreamer. It has served me well (really, honestly) to be a realist about my body. I'll flux between a few sizes, but, for the past 5 years, I've pretty much stayed between two sizes. The rollercoaster of emotion about the whole ordeal has also calmed to a steadier, more enjoyable pace. Punctuated, of course, with thrill rides-- some boo hoo and some wooo hooo! Anyways, I did not start writing to complain, or to moan, or to have some way to e-vent about this all, but instead, to realize two very simple body thoughts.

One. This body can change, and does, and will, and many times--- won't. And I love it. Love its changes, love that it is me and that I am it and we are a very odd couple... strutting about in a meant-for-eachother opposites-attract kind of way.

Two. I'm young. I'm not 30 yet. I've got a lot of life to live... and it will all occur in one place. This body of mine.

So, the choice to treat it well really is not a choice. The choice to be nice to it (verbally, mentally and physically) should be no choice, either.

I'm at a bumpier part of the ride right now... feeling pretty meh. Realizing the meh-ness subsides every inch I take closer to treating this kid better. This 20-something's body is directly attached to the meh-ness, and even in the times she feels meh, and the times she lets it sink into her, she's still got it, and it will always be there. Like it, love it, or hate it.

Ready to run and frolic my way to New York. Not exactly, but I've got the legs that have the potential to help me with those actions.