tired

i'm so tired.
just want to sleep.
drifting, drifting, drifting.
wish I was more
like driftwood
could let the water just pushhhhh me
till I knock against the shore
but instead I am that rock
awoken
at each wave;s crashhhhhhhh
against me

sky bleeding

sky bleeding blue today
all over the parking lots
in pools collecting where cars had been
and people had walked
pools and streams
on dark grey concrete
of blue, rich royal blue
sky left behind
as it turned over
to pink, to red, and then to black
sky bleeding blue today

For My Mom

Mom.

For You.

I wrote some new blog entries. Which actually, are old ones.... that I never posted. So there you go. Some old ones.

And one new one.

This one.

About my posts. :-)

Compromise

I need Kari for this. She would sip her Starbucks and bring magic to my thoughts... instant amazing article.



When, I ask, do you change your values to compromise for someone else? When do you change the way you see things? How do you see them through borrowed glasses? Does the world ever become clear even with the wrong prescription on? How do you find answers to these questions.

Try the glasses on. Several times. And if you're still getting a headache because you just can not see a clear solution.... use this:



The Third Party.



Clutch. The Third Party is clutch.

Swelling And Welling

Sometimes things just well
And swell
And you can ignore them
But they'll swell and
Deeper becomes the well.

Entry Way

The problem with having a blog is the shaping of my mind into blog enteries. Like I mentioned in one of my enteries from Guatemala, I title everything. I don't find myself doing that so much these days as actually writing little articles about themes, topics, ideas.... pretty much all the time. It's an ongoing monologue, and I'd like to learn how to quiet it... at times.



Today. Back Home and 25.



I ran today. Hahhaha. Wait. Lets rephrase that. I jogged today, slowly. My 1st jog as a 25 yr old. My short exercise adventure was absolutely delightful. I'm talking cherry on the top delicious moment. The sun was low in the sky over the ocean, I chose the grassy bluff path called Kortum trail and I took my easy jog through the mudpudles. Waves pummled the beaches and rocks, pelicans flew overhead and ravens fought in a bush of lupin. I mean, doesn't that sound amazing? I exaggerate no detail, except for that there were no cherries.







25.



I don't really like the attention you get on your birthday. I don't like being singled out like that, expected to be having the greatest day of all, and having people sing directly to you while you sit akwardly.

This year felt different. Felt like celebrating. Not me so much. But me as a part of so many. I mean, celebrating all in my life these past 25 minutes.

Felt like handing out some high fives and hugs. Good feelings.

Sushi. Is what we really did. Sushi and speeches. I akwardly made my way through something I've wanted to phrase out loud for a while, but something I've always felt embarassed to say. And, yup, I felt embarassed.

So, when do you just push past those feelings and do what you want to do? Say what you want to say?

I've got no answers. But your birthday sure feels like an OK time to say those things :-).


I'm finishing this post much past my birthday.... on my new desire to finish things in life. To give fruition, to finally make myself not be so half-arsed about so many things. So here it is, out of order, but I'm fixing all my old 'draft' posts and just posting them. Not really the "things in life" i feel the deepest to finish, but, feels ok to do it nonetheless.

Snow

The Snow.

You can forget how wonderful the soft blanket of white is... after decades of pushing it over, moving it, sloshing through it and struggling with it... you forget how wonderful, how beautiful.... or maybe you just temporarily forget...

the snow here in flagstaff makes me miss home. Makes me miss being a kid, cold nose and fingers playing in the snow for hours... chewing on the bottom of my face mask and loosing feeling in my toes... snow always crusting in my hair. Breathing in the the snow, face close... snow tunnels and shelters... sledding, bounding, skiing, building castles and snow kingdoms. Snowballs and slidding down hills... road salt treasures and sweet slow slow flakes on the tounge.

the soft big fat flakes in the trees,
crunching underfoot,
coating and covering, and then the silence....
the silence of snow.
the silence of snow in the forest.

the sweet. soft. silence of snow.